Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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