I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
