Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
