I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
