If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
