I have demons in me.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
