Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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