11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
