your parents love me but you hate me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
