with your own penis?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
