my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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