i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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