oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
