I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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