Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
