Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
