my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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