She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
