Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
