the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
