He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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