Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
