Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
