We won't sleep together?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
