shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
