glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
