I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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