Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
