he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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