Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
