Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
