; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
