just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
