sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
