Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
