I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
