I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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