look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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