i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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