Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
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His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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