It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm having to shit out rocks
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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