dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
