you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
