I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
