went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she smelled like a LAN party
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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