This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
