i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
