Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
