just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pants are for mortals
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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