I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Alive.
So much puke
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
