I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
