yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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