i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
