I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
