You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
