why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So much rum. So many feels.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
