Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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