Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
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Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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