I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
