piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
